And So It Begins... Or Continues

Some people fear change.

I crave it.

I grow restless when life feels stagnant, even when it's beautiful. Somewhere inside of me, a wild animal feels caged and scratches at the bars, begging to roam free. 

I've never understood this about myself, but as I grow older, I am beginning to accept this trait. Perhaps one day I will embrace it, though it was never cultivated in my upbringing. Quite the opposite, in fact. I was raised to admire stability and security, and spontaneity and risk were discouraged and even admonished. 

Somewhere along the journey of college, teaching, becoming a professional ballroom dancer and instructor, motherhood, a move to Seattle to satisfy my husband's job crush of working for a large tech company, a return to college, half a decade of working in law, and finally, a return to teaching... I realized something extremely important about myself: I do not fit in the box. 

The box. That beautiful, clean, straightforward box of pursuing a passion, finding a career, and feeling fulfilled working a job that you know you were meant to do. A calling. I imagine fitting within the box to be a gloriously content, beautiful state of being. 

I wanted to fit. Desperately. My husband fits in it. Most of the people I love live in it. I thought I belonged in it, too, but something was horribly askew every time I asking myself the question.

What do I want from life?

I have never been the natural content dancer, teacher, paralegal, or stay-a-home mom regardless of how hard I strived to become that person. I accepted a teaching award with a huge smile and a massive sense of accomplishment while still managing to feel like a fraud. I've struggled to make myself at home at every job I've held, placing photos of my family at my desk and my mini Keurig somewhere nearby, begging the universe to let me finally feel a sense of belonging.

The comforting sense of belonging within the box has always been temporary, a battle I have grown weary of fighting. 

I am a wanderer, a restless adventurer. My sense of contentment is satisfied when I am outdoors seeking the next magnificent view from a mountaintop. My restless mind is soothed by running along a trail or clinging to a rock by my fingertips knowing that when I fall the rope will catch me, even if the next bolt to place my quickdraw is still three feet and a crux away and the fall is longer than I am tall. I find peace on my yoga mat, and my face burns from smiling too much while thumping around on my mountain bike in the chilly wind.

I am constantly seeking the next adventure, the next incredible view, and I love to meet people pushing through their own journeys along the way.

I am an athlete, certified yoga teacher, wandering soul, and adventure seeker. I find inspiration in learning from others, and I value being a student first. When I think I've mastered something, I know I have closed my mind to learning... and I never want to reach that point.

It's a wonderful thing to fit in the box. It's also beautiful if you, like me, don't fit.

Welcome to my blog. I may be an everyday, nothing-special athlete, but I also experience some pretty epic adventures that I love to share. Maybe you will be inspired to do the same.

Horseshoe Bend, Arizona